Get travel fit: Training for India 1

May 27, 2011

#1 Prepare for sleeping: Get into your car (a friend’s car will do) and turn the heating up to max. Now bend your knees up to your chin so that they’re wedged firmly against the horn. Try and sleep.

#2 Prepare for public transport: Choose a bus which is 80-90% occupied and position yourself near the back. Arrange for about 60 friends (or preferably strangers) to rush on and join you at the last minute.

Cramped journey on indian public transport

Rush hour was actually way worse, but I couldn't move my arms enough to get my camera out...

#3 Prepare for Skype: Choose a friend or loved one you want to talk to. Position yourselves at either end of a long corridor, just out of earshot. As you start walking towards each other, begin your conversation, aiming to get to the interesting bit just after you have passed each other. Continue walking until you are in a mirror image of how you started. If you’ve done it right you should have caught between 40-60% of what they said. Repeat until you are too frustrated to continue.

#4 Prepare for the stomach upset: Aim to spend about 1-2 hours sat on the toiled every day for 2 weeks.  Divide this time up into 5-10 minute episodes. To get the full effect these episodes should be randomly dispersed throughout your day, preferable when you have important things to attend to, or when the nearest toilet is a 5 minute limp away.

#5 Prepare for the party (this mostly applies to the stricter, Southern States): Go out with your friends every night for a week. When ever anyone offers you booze, meat or a fag politely decline on religious grounds.

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